member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
