Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
