I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
