You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
