I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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