i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
