I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
