can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
