I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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