5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
