she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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