For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think i got beer on your cat.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
