She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize