You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I cockslap morals
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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