If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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