I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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