M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
