He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize