i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
