i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
