I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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