I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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