I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
