meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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