Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we're so committed to being not committed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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