I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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