what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize