Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
