the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
