making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
