I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
