What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
