Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
