Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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