My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
