if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
