ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
