TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
