I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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