Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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