Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
