Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
