we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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