She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
