evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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