Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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