The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
