I will die if light touches me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
