I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
sex in a hospital.. check
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
