I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
