Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
