I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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