I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
