Will you blow on my dice?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
