I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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