She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize