The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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