It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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