great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
