ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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