he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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