if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
