speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize