Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sobbing to NWA
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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