i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
