hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
