i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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