I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
