Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God I need to hump something, right now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
