Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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